The last two weeks have been filled with emotional highs and lows for me, and last night I crashed from all this … our souls can carry much more than our bodies. But I relearned a few important core facts about life. We relearn these things throughout our lives if we take the time to live life fully and with great attention. These lessons I relearned are important lessons, important enough to share here. I am not going to share what happened these last few weeks, as the details are not universal as much as personal, and would likely be of little interest to you. But I do what to share with you the outcomes – what I have relearned. I hope they help you as they have helped me.
First, I relearned that life is bloody short. I do not care if you live to be 16 or 101, life is short and it goes by so damn fast. So very fast. Too fast, in fact. We get caught up in the details, you know, and that somehow speeds things up: getting stuff done, earning a living, taking the kids to various activities, making dinner, getting gas, and fulfilling various obligations that keep us too busy to breath sometimes. The small things piss us off and blur the magic and mystery of life.
What is worse, is the fact that we allow these things to take us away from LIVING. We forget to stop and say “I love you,” or “you have helped make me what I am, and I thank you,” or “I am glad to have the chance to hold your hand.” Honestly, when was the last time you told everyone you love that you loved them? When was the last time you held the hand of your friends and lovers and sat feeling their skin next to yours and realized … there is always magic in THIS! This is what life is about.
This leads to the second thing I relearned these last few weeks: I fall in love easily. I do and you know what, that is just fine. There is nothing wrong in this, even if the rest of the world tells me otherwise. I fall in love with men, with women, with moments, with creation, with music, with life. And I fall hard. I do. I also tell people I love them often and I was told this might be inappropriate – that my hugs, my confessions, my moments of intimacy of thought and soul and truth are somehow inappropriate – not good table manners. I felt stunted for a moment.
Oh my, no one wants to be inappropriate – well, not really. I do not want to offend or cause harm, confuse or whatever. But then I relearned this: bullshit! I call bullshit on this attitude. What a crock of shit this is. If it is truly not appropriate to reach out to those you love, then life is shit, and we have nothing. Honestly.
Now I admit that I might be strange in my culture. I do love deeply and I do love fast. Why not? Honestly, I love people for their amazing uniqueness, the good and the bad. I click more with some people than others, but if you “click” and the person impacts your life, well you better stand up, say think you, confuses your love and stand by them. So many people will fall away, by circumstance and death. We have a responsibility to those we love.
So when I say I love you, and I do say it freely and often, I really mean it. I do. Those who know me well, know this about me. I love without bounds in that sense. I love deeply because I know no other way to love and appreciate others. This is NOT a bad thing and I will not (at least for the moment) feel bad that I am this way. I get hurt a lot because of it, but would not change that either. It is a price for great living and living truthfully and deeply. The joy and the hurt, that is okay.
I also love on “my time,” which means I might fall in love after a moment, or after weeks, years, whatever. Love is a strange beast, but it does not diminish the love felt or realized. People always want to put a timeline on love. You should wait before you say you love. You should question wither the love you think you feel is real. But why? How artificial is that? And I am talking about all types of love as lovers take all forms: friends, sexual, mentors … all forms, all life.
I also love freely. My heart is not bound by strange customs and other laws, traditions and artificial rules we place on affection and love. You might call me a free spirit, and so I am.
So those are my two truths realized and relearned. If you say I love you, if I hug you, if I spend time with you or share secrets of the universe and intimacy and laughter, and sadness – I will do so fully and without an apology. Life is really very, very short and we have such little time to live out loud and with feeling.
Find that folks, because that is really where the “capital” lies.